I'm telling ya'll it's sabotage.

I love to write. Always have. I remember in highschool I took a journalism class thinking one day I could write in a newspaper. Fast forward to my early twenties where I was a huge gamer and had a (mildy successful) gaming blog. Then I started this when I began my Beachbody journey. Now, it's abadoned. But, maybe not for long.

I have all but left Beachbody in pursuit of actually trying to learn about food. Read labels. Understand whether or not these foods, supplements, whatever, that broadcast that they're healthy. Are actually... healthy.

I was introduced to a certified health coach and followed her 4 week plan. 4 weeks of no sugar, grains, dairy, processed foods, beans and preservatives. I had bumps. But, at the end of the 4 weeks I had lost 10 lbs., improved some other numbers, gained some knowledge and confidence. And felt okay to try this on my own. I even joined a gym!

Then today happened. Cookies. Many of them. Chips. Bread. I just spiralled. And I knew I was doing it. So why am I sabotaging myself and my progress? I do this all the time. Then as my brain catches on to what I was doing, I immediately go into negative Nancy mode. Thinking the worst of myself and sometimes... Giving up.

I started dinner. Paleo chicken fingers from the recipe book from my health coach. I made sure to make extras to have for lunch. I took a breath, took a shower, and told myself it was OKAY. I am human. And far from perfect. This is a learning process that will have some bumps, but it's up to me to make sure I can make it over the hill.

I packed my gym clothes, put them in my backpack. Will be taking these with me to work, so I can go straight to the gym. No excuses this time.

Then, I came here. Dusted off the ole blog. Told myself, it's okay. Keep going. Tomorrow is a new day.

It's Been a Minute... Or Two.

I'm sitting here at the edge if my bed, trying to pick a song to listen to. Skip, skip, skip. It's weird how I have all these hundreds of songs that I like, but always end up spending a few minutes skipping them until I find something I want to listen to.

It's been a few months since my last blog post. Why did I wait so long? Partly because I didn't know what to write. I always feel like every post has to have some sort of substance. Some meaning. Can't just write about something silly, no one would read that write? Well, who cares. I have always enjoyed writing. Whether or not I'm any good at it doesn't matter. It's a journal. A platform to be able to put your feelings out there into the world.

I have a paper plate sitting next to me which once had grapes on them. I love grapes. I found the famous cotton candy grapes at Whole Foods yesterday and loved them. I don't really like cotton candy, but those just had a slight hint of something sweet. It was just enough. However, grapes weren't the only thing I ate. Couple handfuls of Better Made chips, chips and salsa, two hot dogs I wrapped in a tortilla with cheese and hot sauce, an apple sliced up with some peanut butter, a banana and my Shakeology. Which I guess if you look at it, throughout the whole day really isn't a lot. However I get into these binges where I'm sitting on the couch watching something on Netflix, and I just start grabbing at food. I like to eat. I eat when I'm sad, eat when I'm happy, eat when I'm stressed, eat just because there's food around.

I read a blog about how you need to start looking food at differently. Not as morally good and morally wrong. But just as what it is, food. It's always been my struggle with weight loss. As a coach to other people, I try to always post about positivity. Because, no one wants to hear all the negatives. But, you know what? I'm human, and I struggle, a lot. I love to eat and I hate exercising. And maybe just maybe there's someone out there that can relate to me.

Even last night, my boyfriend and I were watching a movie, and I had some popcorn with him and then had a pint of Halo Top mint chip ice cream. Granted, Halo Top isn't too terrible for you, and I split the popcorn, and earlier in the day I had a pretty healthy lunch and dinner. But see, even now I'm trying to justify why I ate "badly." Part of me feels guilty about eating these so called "bad" things, because I am trying to lose weight and tone my body, but at the same time, I also don't want to give up the things I love.

I have to find a balance, because that's what life is all about. Having treats every now and then isn't going to kill me, just can't make it a constant thing. I say that, but I also work in a bakery and I sneak a cookie every now at then. That's something I need to stop doing. I don't really want a cookie, and I actually don't crave sweets that much. But, it's there. And it's calling to me. Been trying to bring fruits and stuff to snack on while I work, so I don't reach for that cookie, brownie or cupcake.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I need to stop beating myself up for doing something I "shouldn't" be doing. Like I said, it's a constant balancing act that I'm still trying to figure out. I'm not perfect. I am getting better though. There is a positive light in all of this. I am a lot farther in this journey than I was when I started in January of 2015. While I have things I'm still trying to work on... There are many things I have improved on.

Haven't had pop in... I forget how long. I'm having breakfast every morning by drinking my Shakeology. Breakfast used to be the hardest thing to do for me, I'm not really a morning person and I thought waking up early to cook myself breakfast was such a chore. Now, I spend less than five minutes blending up my drink, and I get all my vitamins and nutrients I need for the day right then and there. Trying to eat more vegetables, which is a big deal because I am such a picky eater. Hummus with carrots have been a go to snacking item for me recently. Cutting my portions down as been a great learning experience for me, and helps me from overeating to the point where I feel stuffed and sick. Drinking a lot more water. I'm exercising everyday or at least fives times a week.

So, yes. Food is always going to be there. And there are going to be days I eat a cheeseburger or some ice cream or whatever. But, you know what? Who cares. I'm not going to let it defy how I feel anymore. Taking things one day at a time. I over indulge a little bit today, I'll do better tomorrow. This weight loss/fitness journey is a long road. There's bumps, road blocks, construction work, traffic jams, and straight away roads. I am pretty damn proud of myself, even if I mess up every now and then. I am come a long, long way. And I still have a long way to go. But this girl isn't giving up.

It's Dangerous To Go Alone.

One of the absolute things that I love about social media, is the ability to be able to create and join groups that fit your different needs. Healthy eating, fitness, water challenges, no sugar challenges, anything you can think of, there is a group for it.

When I first started 21 Day Fix, I was put into a challenge group on Facebook with 33 other people, all working towards their goal. It was a place where you would share your progress, your struggles, recipes, questions, you name it. For being such a shy person, I was somewhat intimidated, because I only knew two people in the group. Why would strangers even care about my journey? Why would strangers cheer me for my success and support me in my failures.

One of the things that is so great about this community, is that you are welcomed with open arms, no matter what. You are celebrated beyond compare when you reach your goals. And, I was. During that specific group I won the competition they were having. In reality, everyone is a winner and no one is a loser. The only thing that is losing is the weight, inches and negativity that was in your life. It feels so good to see all my hard work pay off, and the feeling I got when others said I motivated and inspired them.

Having people that are right there with you in your journey is one of the most helpful aspects of having social media and Beachbody in your arsenal. I remember trying SEVERAL times to lose weight and exercise, and giving up each time. Having someone there to keep me accountable for my workouts and eating has been one of the key factors in my success. Watching people post their fitness and weightless journey on Facebook is a sure fire way, for me anyway, to get my butt in gear if I'm feeling like I don't want to work out. There's something about seeing 8 month pregnant women working out that quickly breaks your laziness in half.

Buddy systems are a great thing to have, and you don't even really need to workout together for it to be successful. Send a text, a Facebook message, an email, telling your friend "Hey, let's workout!" and press play. When your done, talk to them again and share your experiences, your struggles. Not only does having a friend keep you accountable in your workouts, but it's also fun. They're helping you, and you're helping them. By poking them with a message, and working out "together" you're pushing them and yourself in a workout you may or may not have done before.

Starting 22 Min Hard Corps tomorrow, I joined a new Facebook group (two even!). I feel much more confident know there's other people out there doing the same workouts as me. What's even greater is that I am able to watch other people's transformations along the way. 60 days from now, it'll be well into June and almost the official start to summer. Will I be bikini body ready? I sure hope so! I do know is I am a lot further than I was yesterday, and miles further than I would be if I was on the couch. 

Forget Everything And Run

Fear is something that has always haunted me, both in my young and adult life. I think it stemmed from me moving away from everything I knew and loved in California, to the great unknown in Arizona. A lot of my bad experiences in life, I tend to attribute to that move. I went from doing well in school, to barely graduating high school. Having tons of friends, to sitting in the back of class and being known as "the kid in the orange sweatshirt." While I can't blame everything on that move (I don't want my parents to feel bad about it, it's not their fault), a lot of it has to do with me. My fears.

I have always let fear kind of control a lot of things I wanted to do. I know fear is a natural thing to have. And in some instances it is helpful and can even save your life if you're ever put in that sort of situation.

When I was in high school I was depressed. I was sad to have left the place where I grew up, left all my friends I knew since I was 5. To a place that was strange to me. To a school I didn't recognize. I didn't fit in, I didn't even try. I was scared to approach people. Scared to talk to people. I let my fear of what people thought of me, cripple me. So, I just sat in the back of class. It got to the point where I would have my Mom call in sick for me at school. I didn't want to go. I just assumed everyone hated me. When in fact, people thought I hated them. I didn't make an effort.

A lot of my fears in life are related to social situations. I get scared of meeting new people, even to this day I struggle with it. Being put in a room where you might know one person or maybe nobody. It's terrifying. And that social anxiety, that fear, has kept me from birthday parties, weddings, social gatherings, whatever. It's part of the reason why I gravitated so much to the online gaming community.

Fast forward to now. I don't regret any of the decisions I've made. Everything in my life, everything that has happened, every person that made their mark, has made me who I am. And if something went a different way, I may not be the person who I am now. And I like who I am.

This brings me to why I started this specific post. My sister-in-law (not officially, but close enough) is a huge yoga enthusiast. Yoga is something that has always interested me. I've tried a few different yoga videos on YouTube, but for me... it's really difficult to try and do most of the poses where my eyes are supposed to be closed, or my head is facing down, and then try to look at the TV. I suppose it won't be much different in a class, but at least there's an instructor there, and you have that setting of being in a yoga studio. She's coming into town this weekend, and asked me if I wanted to join her in going to a Bikram Yoga session.

My first immediate response is, no. I won't know what I'm doing. I know absolutely nothing about yoga. What if I can't do any of the poses? What if I fall over? What if I mess up? What if they laugh at me? What if? Fear. Again, letting something that I want to do stop me from doing it.

I took a breath, and I told her yes. So what if I mess up. Everyone in that room has been in the same position as me. People have to start somewhere. From square 1. I'm nervous and scared, yes. But I'm going to do it, I'm going to try. And who knows, maybe I'll love it and become amazing at it. I was scared of trying a new workout, joining this whole Beachbody thing, trying to eat better. Because I didn't want to fail. But, here I am. I've succeeded, and am continuing to succeed. Even with blogging. It's terrifying to put yourself out there. Even posting a picture of myself of what I used to look like, and what I look like now. It's scary. But I did it.

Come Monday, I will be with her at a yoga studio, doing hot yoga, with a bunch of strangers, in a room doing things I don't know how to do, sweating my butt off. But you know what? It'll be amazing.

My Story

Happy Monday everyone! And a big hello. It's always kind of a weird feeling starting a brand new blog and writing out the very first post. I have this blank canvas right in front of me, where do I start?

Seeing how it's Monday, and in the social media world, Monday's are normally associated with motivation. We all need a little motivation, especially me. On the days where I don't feel like working out. Or when I want to eat a giant cheeseburger. Ice cream? Cookies? Brownies? Can see where I'm going with this. I figured with today and this post, it would be a perfect way to introduce my blog. My journey. My story.

Throughout my life I never really considered myself overweight. Chubby, yes. Fluffy, yes. But not to the point where my weight really affected my ability to do anything. Except, it did.

I used to be a HUGE gamer geek. I've played a plethora of RPG console games and a fair share of MMO RPG games. For those not fluent in gamer talk, that's role playing and online role playing games. It was a way for me to kind of escape the real world. I moved freshman year of high school from California (where I grew up) to Arizona. I wasn't a happy camper, and it affected my ability to make friends, socialize, be active, and do well in school. I gravitated towards video games most during this time period.

Over the years I grew more and more attached to my computer. Now, being on the computer isn't a bad thing. However, there were days (more than once) I would sit in front of the computer for hours upon hours and play World of Warcraft. My drug of choice. I did make many friends (and an ex-boyfriend who I met on there and moved to Michigan for), some of which I still talk to even now. Unfortunately, my weight climbed. By not being active and eating all the wrong things, and being glued to a chair, my body and my confidence took a toll.

Two relationships and a random Facebook post later, I was introduced to Beachbody in January of 2015. I was tired of looking at myself in the mirror and crying because of what and who I saw. It WASN'T me. I was trapped in a shell of someone that I didn't recognize. I shut the world out and was confined into this tiny space of myself. My friend who was doing the 21 Day Fix made a post, to which I commented on, and got connected with my coach. My life changed after that.

I lost around 20 lbs. with the 21 Day Fix. Three weeks with portion control eating, 30 minute workouts and Shakeology. I joined a Facebook group during this process and made tons of new friends. I started gaining confidence in myself. I was excited to be able to go shopping and try on clothes that never used to fit me before. It wasn't easy, and throughout the year of 2015, I had many ups and downs.

2016 rolled around and I again, needed a change. I still wasn't where I wanted to be, and am still not. I ordered the program Focus T25 around my birthday in January, and was going to commit myself to healthier eating and being more active. Focus T25 is amazing because it really is only 25 minutes. I know with long workouts at home or even in the gym I get bored and want to give up. But 25 minutes? I can do that. And I did. I just finished my first round over a week ago, and lost several lbs. and inches. As of right now, I've lost around 38 lbs.

Another change I had in January was becoming a coach. My coach has been so amazing and so supportive of me. Always had my back even on the days where I wanted to quit, messed up, was negative. She was there. She inspired me everyday to push myself. I wanted to be that for someone else. If I can inspire even one person to make a small step forward toward their goal, that would mean everything to me.

And now, here we are. It's April. I'm awaiting the arrival of the new 22 Min. Hard Corps program to arrive along with a new cookbook. Tools to continue to help me on this journey. I'm not perfect and I'll always have my struggles. But, I'm human and I mess up sometimes. The key is to NOT give up and keep going. That's what I'm going to do

This is me. This is my story. Simply Sammy.